Eating my feelings

It's official. When I'm nervous, upset, anxious about a man that I'm romantically interested in, I eat my feelings. No foodstuff item can escape my purview. Salty, sweet, savory...the cravings just follow one another in perpetuity. No morsel of food is safe enough.

Summer of 2007, when my heart was a bit broken by D (who is now slim, trim and has a new girlfriend, by the way), I blew up like a balloon, putting on an impressive 15-ish pounds in a month and a half. Taco Bell, Coldstone Creamery, and the buffet of high-fat, delicious chain family style restaurants in Texas were huge contributors to Fat SLG. Whittling down - and maintaining - my current 5'6, 110(ish) pound figure has been no easy task. Every morsel of food is thought about, analyzed, and then ingested. I know that's a negative female stereotype, but watching what I eat and staying fit is important to me. Period.

Then I think - maybe these Girl Scout cookies are laced with addictive Crack Cocaine. Maybe my day was so hard that I need to skip the gym and sit slumped on my couch inhaling giant slices of cheese pizza while watching the same episode of Sex and the City for the thousandth time. Maybe it was cool that I ate half the loaf of chocolate chip bread that I baked.

I'll just pound on the treadmill's dashboard the next day, making the incline steeper, running faster, lifting weights during my cool down. Like most people, I'm feeling really overloaded these days, between being stretched really thin at work, co-chairing something outside of work, and day-to-day happenings of life. I'm happy. But I'm stressed. Like a lame character out of a romantic comedy that went straight to DVD encased in some sort of hot pink cover (which I'd probably rent) - when my feelings for someone are strong and I haven't found my way around them, or through them...I find my solace in food.

Sometimes You Just Know

Since moving to New York in June, K (one of my roommates), has met someone. She met him at the beginning of Fall. And unlike the majority of the guys she's dated - he's wonderful.

Of course, when they started dating, she was armed with baggage. Her last relationship had "officially" only ended once she moved to New York, and they were still in loose, drunken phone contact. She militantly declared her singlehood, to the point where I thought she was being unfair to the poor guy (that's a RARITY on my end, by the way).

Anyway, he wooed, she came around, and so far they're great. I had a good feeling about this guy when I met him after they came back from their second date. They were lounging on the couch, flipping channels, and I sat on one of our barstools makign conversation, feeling him out. At 25, I haven't been in love, I haven't been in any long term relationships - but I sure as hell have good instincts on people.

He was vivid and engaging, and then I remember saying something about Noam Chomsky. Again, I'm not well versed in the Middle East, it was just something that came up in general conversation, I think we were talking about pizza only two seconds before. And when K didn't recognize the Chomsky name (I was shocked, she knows her Middle and Far East history pretty damn well), his reaction was so tender towards her without being lame.

"No way, I'm sure you've read about him." Or something to that extent. And we had a conversation, and she was a part of it, and that was that. It was a miniscule thing, but that's when something triggered in me, that this guy - no, she might not marry him - would be around for a while.

Or maybe girls just crazy. I don't know. I'd like to think of it as instinct.

11 Days until Val Day!

And I couldn't be more excited. I think it should be a national Holiday. Valentine's Day and the day post-Superbowl. I just love this time of year...something about the bitter cold, everyone nursing post-holiday-is-it-Spring-yet hangovers, and all the hearts and pink/red combos everywhere. True to form, one of my roommates is my Valentine's Date.

I've been a busy girl. Busy with work, Busy with another extracurricular event I'm trying to organize, Busy with going out/working out, etc. I went to DC for a few days a couple of weeks ago for work - luckily my work assignments included seeing the inauguration, and attending some awesome protests/actions/demonstrations. Someday I'll go to one of those balls, I hope. Unfortunately, the cold and the stomping around DC while nursing it ended up getting me super sick!

I've been fortunate enough to have had the chance to hang out with two guys I genuinely like. One definitely is interested in more-than-friends, the other I'm not sure of, so I'm going to say just friends. Again, in SLG fashion, I like the Just Friends one a lot. We've only hung out once (long story, he may or may not be a character previously mentioned around these parts) in a normal fashion, so we'll see what happens. There's such a marked difference between people who are interested in you, and interested in you as a person specifically. You know, like friends, family, etc. that savor your quirks. These two are the latter, I think. For now at least.

Oh, and I still have to fill out my paperwork to be admitted.

I'm still in the office, but I will write a real update/anecdote sometime soon. Stay tuned.

Groundbreaking Journalism

I LOVE AM New York in the morning on the way to work. Talk about getting what you pay for with this well researched, unheard of phenomena.

Homeward Bound

I've actually been home in Texas since December 16th. But Simon and Garfunkel's song just captures home really well...except for the part about a love, because I sure as hell don't have that here.

My office closes down for two weeks for the Holidays (even though EVERYONE pretty much works through the holidays from home). I ended up coming home early because of my father. My father had been undergoing testing since Mid-November, but I wasn't up-to-date with the gravity of everything until after Thanksgiving. My father has had diabetes for years, and alongside that, a huge mistrust of doctors, which he inherited from my Grandfather (Rest in peace).

So he'd skimp on taking medication, avoid doctors appointments, and so forth. The swelling in his feet got worst over the years, making it hard to walk long distances (luckily we live in a driving city). The man who once could polish off a whole pizza, and wake up at 5 AM to work until 8 PM had no appetite, and was always tired. He was negative and had mood swings. He would complain that food had no taste, when in reality it was fine.

Something happened this Fall that made my father go see a regular round of doctors. It was probably a combination of feeling crappy, and the barrage of phone calls from a concerned family friend. After consulting a cardiologist, a hematologist, and a family doctor, they saw that because of the diabetes, a lot of strain had been put on my father's heart and kidneys. He would have to begin dialysis. Additionally, his heart was working at 15% of it's capacity - thus the tiredness, mood swings, lack of tastebuds, etc. He had a newfound trust and appreciation of the entire medical profession.

So a few weeks ago, my father, the iron-man who I both love dearly and resent, who I've gotten my best and worst qualities from, and who I want nothing more in the world to make proud, went in for a triple bypass surgery. He ended up having a quintuple bypass - no complications. His heart was stopped for a total of 40 minutes.

He came home on Christmas Day. Now he will have to change his life, his habits and so forth...but most importantly, he's embracing this change. For now.

Lo Siento (I'm sorry)

For the long hiatus!

Here's my first update (soon to be followed my more normal blogging)

I PASSED THE NEW YORK STATE BAR EXAM!

Recovery

In the last week, I:

1. Took the NY Bar Exam (it was HARD, I thought)
2. Turned 25
3. Had friends visiting for Texas that participated in my Birthday activities
4. Made out/went home with (nothing big happened)/Have a crush on IB. I will provide more details if anything else happens. IF IF IF IF.

I am still recovering.